Shred of Hope: A Jacob MiniSeries
by kowabungabrittany
Summary: I veered my eyes to meet our connected hands. Such pale skin against mine made a glow. It was like snow and earth meeting just on the first day of winter. I wrote this a little over a year ago. Goes w/ New Moon . Summery may or may not change.
1. Human BandAid

Disclaimer: (Original characters and/or storyline are not mine)

_so here's my newest upload. i wrote this quite a while ago and didn't know what to do with it.  
i guess i figured after a year plus, this particular story had waited long enough.  
it's kind of about some what-if's in the jacob story boat.  
there will be about six chapters._

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**SHRED OF HOPE: A JACOB MINI-SERIES**

CHAPTER ONE

Human Band-Aid

She sat on the car seat that was used as a couch in my garage. I'd seen her sit on it many times before. The past few months she had taken shelter in my presence. Sometimes there would be a smile on her face and other times there was nothing. Today was neither of those. Today there were tears. Taking in a deep breath I walked closer to her and sat down on the imitation couch. She didn't even seem to notice my presence. I pulled my arm across her lap and took her hand in mine. Her skin was so cold, as if death had already taken her. I hated what he was doing to her. He was killing her and he wasn't even here. I didn't plan on giving up on her though.

"Bella, why are you crying?"

She turned her empty gaze to me. Somehow her emotionless eyes saw right through me. It was a stupid question. I know that now after I asked it. She was crying for her vampire. Her cold, dead lover. I pushed my thumb across her cheek to wipe her tears away. I hated to see her cry, especially for him.

"It's nothing". Her voice was below a whisper. It was like she didn't even have the breath to speak. Or maybe the will. I tightened my grip around her hand.

"Don't tell me that", I murmured.

She leaned her head against my chest. Her wet tears dampened my shirt and warmed against her skin. She was so cold. Putting my hands on her shoulders I lightly held her back. Her eyes grew wearier.

"Jacob?", she hesitantly questioned. I tried to force a smile.

"How about we try to work on the Rabbit?"

She took in a small breath and slumped back into herself. I'd never seen someone with the ability to shrink like her. She looked like she had fallen into herself, loosing all that was Bella. It was like a hole had formed in her core and she was trying to hold it closed. A tear started to pool at the corner of her eye.

"I don't really feel like it", she whispered.

I pulled her into a hug. If she was going to waste all her energy with holding herself together then I was going to help. I would be her human Band-Aid. After what seemed like an eternity I decided to speak up.

"Bella I don't like what he does to you"

She pulled her head back from my shoulder and forced her eyebrows together.

"Jake he-"

"No Bella. I don't like the way you are when you think about him"

Instantly hostility took over her face. She was mad.

"Maybe it's none of your business Jacob! Just bud out!", she exploded.

"Bella he's ripping you apart. If you could see yourself-"

"Shut up Jacob! You don't know anything about him!"

"I know that he left you like this!", I shouted.

Right after I said it I knew it was a low blow. She was in pain and I wasn't making it any better. Reminding her of his leaving just made things worse. At first it looked as if she was going to punch me, but then she cried out.

"He just hurt me so much", she helplessly admitted.

Quickly I rushed back to her side and caught her in another hug.

"I loved him Jacob. I really loved him". A tear slid from her eye and trailed down her cheek. "It's like a piece of me was taken". A second of silence passed as her tears slowly lessoned. "He stole a part of me"

I pulled her closer. Placing my chin on her head I took in a deep breath through my nose. She smelled good. I liked how she smelled. A weird feeling started to squirm within my chest. As if a small fire had erupted then faded out. A shiver shot it's way up my back and through my shoulders. Somehow she always had this effect on me. Just her scent could do it. Billy said it was just a crush, that it would pass. But I knew better. I loved her. I loved the girl destined to die. I knew once I figured it out that I'd never have her. She loved the vampire and everything else was eclipsed by that. I couldn't blame her though. If she felt even an ounce for him of what I felt for her then it just wouldn't matter. Love sucked like that. I rubbed my hand along her back in attempt to comfort her. Once her sobs lessoned I pulled my head away and kissed the top of her head. I wasn't sure what made me do it, but it happened. I'd kissed her. She peered her eyes up to meet mine with a confused expression. My lips formed a purse, not knowing what to say. It didn't matter though because she spoke first.

"What was that for?", she asked.

For a second I thought about telling her. Telling her that I was uncontrollably in love with her. That she drove me crazy whenever I thought about her. And that I never thought of anything or anyone but her. She had invaded my every thought. Instead I settled for something less.

"I don't know", I lied.

She didn't seem to accept this. Ripping her hand from mine she shifted her body an inch from me. A pained feeling that could only be described as gray fell in my stomach. Rejection shouldn't feel this bad. Yet with this simple move she had ripped my heart straight out of my chest and thrown it in my face. Instantly I felt a wound form inside myself. A whisper expelled from her lips.

"I think I should go"

Without thinking I grabbed her hand. She looked up at me, then back at her hand in mine. I veered my eyes to meet our connected hands. Such pale skin against mine made a glow. It was like snow and earth meeting just on the first day of winter. Then I noticed as her hand started to tremble. With worried eyes I lifted them back to meet her face.

"I'm sorry", I croaked.

Even though I didn't want to take my hand from hers, I knew I had to. She didn't want me, so why should I push it? So slowly I slid mine from her grip. Then a sudden surprise hit me. She had had a grip on my hand. It wasn't just me holding on! I searched through her eyes, looking for some shred of reason to this. Instead I found pain. She parted her small tear stained lips and spoke.

"Jacob…I love him". With furrowed eyes I took in a deep breath and forced myself to swallow the oxygen.

"I know", I agreed.

Right then I wanted to die. Right then I had known I had lost. If she could love him this much while he was gone, then what chance would I have when he wasn't? The gray in my stomach started to grow, giving me an uneasy feeling. My veins started to burn at my skin and my breathing caught a hitch. I didn't like this feeling. Love had a funny way of showing itself. Coated in pain.

…

That night Bella left. She didn't want to confront what had happened within the confides of my garage. If it had been a normal day we would have been friends sharing warm cokes by an old beat up Volkswagen. But it wasn't a normal day. That day something had changed in our friendship. Something had grown. Maybe love for me was friendship for her, but I like to believe otherwise. She had had a grip. She had been holding on to me like I was holding on to her. That day, I liked to think, was the day that she started to love me. It was also the day I first phased.


	2. The Meadow

Disclaimer: (I still claim nothing, for I own nothing)

_here's the next installment. enjoy. it may be a while till chapter three.  
sorry in advance._

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**SHRED OF HOPE: A JACOB MINI SERIES**

CHAPTER TWO

The Meadow

The trees were green with spring rain. It wasn't too cold out, but the air showed our breath as we hiked along the trail. Each time I stepped over a large moss covered rock I was reminded of what happened back in my garage. It was at least a week ago. She had given me the cold shoulder until today when she asked me out for a hike. Stupid moss doesn't even hold any reminders of that day. Yet for some reason I can't stop thinking about it. The almost closeness we'd had. The softness of her hand. I hated it.

I'd get into detail about what had happened after that night, but it's still weird to me to say the least. I kind of knew it was coming soon, but I hadn't expected it that night. Phasing into a werewolf was really something, but afterwards I was just sick. Literally. I don't think I've ever barfed so much in my life. But I didn't want to think about that now. I was with Bella. Things could go back to normal.

I let a few minutes go by without conversation. I could tell that she was in her own world today and I didn't very much feel like being the one to take her out of it. She pissed easily.

"It's really sunny out today", I half informed her.

_Damn_, I thought to myself. Why did I have to open my big dumb mouth. Didn't I, just a second ago say I wasn't going to say anything? Whatever, I guess she didn't even hear me because she didn't answer. Then I watched her as she clambered up the rocks past me. Apparently she was on a time limit. The way she was walking, her footing probably wouldn't-

"Ouch", she huffed as she fell to the ground.

I stumbled up to her and helped her up by her shoulder. She looked up to me with half pleading eyes as if to tell me to let go. So I did. She pushed herself up from the ground and wiped the dirt from her hand on her jeans. Even though it felt cold to be rejected, I smiled inwardly from the way she patted her hands against her pants. Bella certainly wasn't just one of the girls. She was like a new breed that was meant for toughing it out with the guys. Well kind of. In more ways than one she was possibly the most clumsy person I'd ever met. I don't think I've seen more bruises on a girl than I have on Bella. Not that I've been looking.

She turned back and looked at me. A small smile spread along her face. A sigh of relief went off in my mind when I saw it. A smiling Bella was a good thing.

"I missed you a lot Jake", she said breaking the silence.

"Me too", I answered.

She seemed to have liked this because now she was smiling even wider and kneeling down to sit on a mossy brown log. I caught up to her and sat next to her feet. I watched as she unzipped her bag and started pushing things around. Then she pulled out a Ziploc bag with pizza in it.

"I figured we could eat", she smiled.

A large grin took over my face as I half fell in love with her just then. Then I decided to tell her.

"I could love you right now Bella Swan"

For a second I could see hesitation in her eyes after I said that. It had been in friendly context, but I think she knew the actual feelings behind it. A quick second passes and she seemed to have shrugged it off as she hands me the bag. I grabbed a slice and stuffed it in my mouth without mercy. When I was done with that one I dug into the bag for a second. A quite giggle caught my ears just as I was bringing it to my mouth.

"What's so funny", I questioned. Still a smile plagued her face. Actually it was far from a plague, it was definitely how she was meant to look. I hadn't seen it in a while, but that was without doubt the old Bella finally coming out. My Bella.

"You eat like a dog", she laughed.

I laughed along, but not at what she had said. I was having my own little inside joke as we smiled at one another. If only she knew how right she was. Then I felt a question tug my mind back to reality. _What if she did? what if she already knew?_

For the rest of our little feast I kept a glancing watch on her. She didn't seem to mind, or notice. While I pondered whether she knew or not, I mostly just tried to read her face. She was faking her smiling demeanor, I could see it. Behind that spread was something darker, perhaps decayed. Fucking vampire. He did this, he was ruining her. My fuming was broken however by her slight voice.

"You done?"

All thoughts of the sparkly fuck-wit were gone at this. She'd managed to pull me back to the present. And besides, if she was going to pretend that everything was okay, then I would to. I'd go to the end of the world for this girl, so faking a moment wasn't much of a push.

"Yeah", I breathed. "I'm good"

"You're never good Jacob", she commented with a sly smirk. "It's like you're a garbage disposal".

I laughed with her quite sense of humor and then we were off. Off to wherever it was that she was taking me.

"Are we there yet?", I whined. She turned from up ahead and mock glared at me.

"God Jake, you're like a giant kid!", then she smiled. "Yeah, we're almost there".

Not to much later, and only a couple stumbles more on her part, we were there. Or at least that's what I assumed. Cause the only warning I got was her abrupt stop and my bumping into her.

"Is this it?", I questioned. She stayed silent.

Looking past her, I let what she was so ambient about traveling this distance to fill my vision. It didn't seem like anything special really, but I suppose I'd never been here before, so it was nothing special, or at least to me. A closed in field overtaken by browning grass and half bent weeds. I guess it was more of a meadow really. About to question her about what was so great about this place, I quickly stopped myself when I saw her face. She seemed almost worst than ever, there was no emotion at all. Not even the saddened darkness that she seemed to always carry lately. This was a step further from that, this was emptiness.

"Bella?", I approached. "Where are we?"

Her silence was deafening. Why was she like this?

"It's just a place", she whispered.

"Just a place", I repeated under my breath.

If it was just a place, then why was she so empty towards it? It didn't make sense. Then I saw her drop. She just fell without cause and stared blankly into the meadow, as if searching for something. Or trying to remember a long ago moment. I suppose it was then that I knew that this damn meadow must have had something to do with the vampire. Really, when I look back on it, everything had to do with him. I guess when someone puts so much of their life into something, when it leaves, it's hard to get that life back.

I kneeled down next to her, but kept my distance. From a third perspective I'd guess that we looked like two strangers waiting for a bus. Sitting side by side, but at the furthest distance possible. For now, Bella was not going to let me in. For now, she was going to keep her secrets and her pain from me. But I still had hope. After all, I loved her.


	3. The Kiss

Disclaimer: (not mine, not mine, not mine)

_here's part three :)  
reviews are much appreciated._

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**SHRED OF HOPE: A JACOB MINI SERIES**

CHAPTER THREE

The Kiss

I disgust myself. But I don't regret what I did. It was the single most amazing moment of my life. It was wrong in so many ways, but in the smallest way it was perfect. And it had happened.

I kissed her.

We were having an argument and the next thing I knew my lips were on hers. It wasn't the way I had pictured it or dreamed it, but it happened. And I liked it.

…

**Two days ago**

…

"I don't care Jacob!", she shouted.

"Bella…just.."

"No", she argued. "I don't feel like hearing it anymore"

"Why can't you…", I started.

After seeing her face my sentence quickly fell short. This was pain, empty, undeniable pain. And it was on my Bella's face.

"I'm sorry Bella, I just….I just don't like this"

"Well neither do I", she huffed.

A whirl of white breath caught in the air as she breathed out, attractidly my eyes followed it's twists all the way back to the lips that I'd already thought too much about today. I knew that what I was doing was hurting her, but if only she could feel the pain I was. It hurt so much more for me, and knowing that I had no other option made it endless. Great, endless pain, that's really what I needed. But right now the pain seemed worse for her and being the stupid fuck that I am, I only just recognized it.

"Bells…"

Softening my tone, I pulled her into an airtight hug that gave no possible escape. Even if she was going to be his, I was still going to have her now. This moment was mine.

She move a slight step and dropped the weight of her shoulders against me. _Finally._ The scent caught me again and I could all but stop myself from taking it in. God the effect she had on me was torture. Why the hell would someone do this to me? It was like a sick joke from those "supposed" above just to get a laugh. _Let's take the motherless Res boy and make him even more deprived_. But I guess they did something good for once, she wasn't crying today. Thank God for small victories I suppose.

"I'm sorry Jake", she huffed against my neck "I'm no good to be around anymore"

Pulling back to glare at her, because that's what she deserved with a comment on herself like that, I just barley stopped myself from growling.

"Don't say that, you're always good to be around", I argued. Then adding in a mere whisper, "I'll take you for how you are. The good, the bad, it's all the same for me".

What I said was a bit too much for her, I could see that by the expression her torturous eyes instantly turned to. Shining in almost tears she tore her gaze away from the situation and stubbornly looked at the floor.

"Jake-", she started.

"Don't tell me not to say it Bella, because I'm going to", I demanded. "Just because…just because you don't like it, it doesn't make it not true. I lo…, I like you Bells and I want you around", I finished.

Freeing her eyes from the floor she craned her neck up to meet my gaze. I could tell that she was still confused, but I could also see some form of acceptance in her look. Apparently I was getting two small victories today.

"I'm still sorry though", she half smirked.

Chuckling from her response, I almost missed the small speck of something in her expression. At first I wasn't sure what it was, but when I figured it out, being shocked to the floor would have been an easy way to put it. She looked like she wanted to kiss me and the gravity of that realization had me open mouthed in a dim stupor.

"Um…Bells?", I started.

Instead of keeping the…well, I'll call it the Something, she dropped her chin to my chest and held me closer. Her chill against my skin was instant against mine, causing an abrupt shiver from me. Her response was only to hold on tighter.

"You're freezing", I commented into her hair.

"Well, you're on fire", she reputed.

_Touché_

I'd like to say that the rest went wonderfully well. That we kissed and everything was warmer and better, but I suppose that would be lying. Because what happened next was by all means, not warm or better, and definitely not wonderful. Except for the brief moment of perfect seclusion of my lips to hers, that was warm, better and wonderful all at once.

After her comment on my temperature I couldn't help myself. With my face so close to hers, and with her hair tingling against my nose, I just had to breath her in. _God_, her scent was heaven and hell, and more than anything I wanted it to surround me. I didn't even care how mushy or girly my thoughts were, but I just wanted to surrender to that scent and never leave. I wanted it to be the scent of my pillow, to follow me as I ran through the woods, and to linger forever. So with those thoughts in mind I started the tempted fate by nudging my nose against her hair, then traveled along her check, slow and smooth. Next our noses brushed and her eyes flung open. So close, and so open to the moment, I didn't think of any other option. I was going to kiss her.

And kiss I did.

_God_, the first tingle of our lips meeting. The hesitant wisp of breath that caressed my mouth. All of it spiraled down to the moment when she made the immeasurable movement that brought her closer to me, and with that bit of consent, I took the rest of the distance for my own and kissed her.

It was heaven. But as brief as it was, quickly following came the hell.

She pulled back and stared at me in aw, or maybe it was simply just crazed surprise. I didn't know. But the impact of her fist to my jaw gave me new light into the saying "punched in the feelings". It didn't hurt me physically, if anything the crack that broke the silence was her hand, but the pain of the action stung like shit. Rejection hurt, and I knew it all too well, but I suppose this was a new level.

I kissed her, I liked it, and she punched me in the face.

And I'd do it again.


End file.
